Lust vs. Emotional Intimacy

Posted by | May 15, 2014 | Uncategorized | 6 Comments


Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body. The lust can take any form such as the lust for knowledge, the lust for sex or the lust for power. It can take such mundane forms as the lust for food as distinct from the need for food. Lust is a powerful psychological force producing intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion”

I have had a lot of conversations lately about passion in a relationship, how to find the spark within a committed relationship, is it possible to feel that lust and butterflies that a new relationship brings even after years of a committed relationship? A lack of emotional intimacy in relationships is not uncommon, and as a result its absence causes strain, lack of communication, lack of care  the other person,  just take a look at a one night stand, where one person may vanish or act afterwards as though you were a commodity. No closeness, cuddling, soft kisses but an awkward silence and a ” I’ll give you a call” as they disappear out the door. This can happen/happens within committed relationships as well and I would like for all of you to do yourselves a favor of NIPPING IT IN THE BUD when you see it happen! I’m not talking about the “I’ll give you a call” part, I’m alluding to the lack of emotional intimacy. When you lose interest in your spouse, you lose interest in physical intimacy. When you are physically apart from your spouse, it becomes normal for you to be far away from him\her emotionally also. If your relationship with your spouse lacks physical and emotional intimacy your marriage loses all the glow of love and care… If a relationship has had no time to develop emotional intimacy before committing to sex, the chances of the connection going beyond the lust stage are remote as it prevents it from growing, and when a relationship has nowhere to go, it then stagnates, withers and finally dies.

Lust, instant physical attraction is a good example of sexual intimacy without emotional intimacy, as once the desire for the physical dies, which is inevitable without a deeper emotional bond, so each partner moves on. And this is happening more and more in modern society, and often it is females who regret having sex too soon. Women usually need to build a real connection with a man first. Sex does not bring about emotional intimacy, or interest to build a loving relationship, if this was the case, everyone with a one night stand, dates where sex takes place after one or two dates, would bond and go on to build a relationship. Emotional intimacy is needed if we are looking to feel at ease within a relationship, when we need support in times of stress, many situations in life cause us to need our partner, and without emotional intimacy it is then we realize just how empty a relationship can be. A lot of people desire a loving, committed relationship, but when it comes to ’emotional exchanges, opening up, find themselves holding back, or even backing off completely. The simple truth is that you make the tension from outside world rob you of the euphoric excitement it can give you. You can make your proximity exciting if it is an emotional and expressive display of your love. It is something so personal for both of you, isn’t it? Then why do you not enjoy it? Never let the intimacy between you become mundane and practical. It should be a spontaneous, exciting and electrifying need for one another.

download When you have arguments with your spouse, you feel terribly upset and unhappy. When your spouse overlooks it and does not explain the reason behind the hot words uttered, you  feel that your spouse is callous and uncaring. But when your spouse thinks that sex can make up for all the hurting words uttered it makes  you feel repelled and nauseated. When the love between you flickers uncertainly, you fail  to excite each other and your sex life is nothing but a mere physical need – More like an animal.

So back to the initial question, how to experience that initial feeling of lust that one feels in a new relationship, when it’s uncomplicated and exciting? I don’t have a respond to that and I will keep searching, I can promise you that! However, until I do have an answer I can share this…

If you seek a LOVING relationship…Build a connection FIRST!imagesPhysical intimacy is worthless when you are not emotionally close to your spouse. Your emotional intimacy means nothing when you are not physically intimate with your spouse. Both aspects are intertwined and inseparable and you need both to make your marriage work. It is the unbridled disclosure that makes emotional intimacy the height in which to achieve, so both partners experience the BEST SEX ever. It is also VITAL if a relationship is to grow, evolve and provide foundations to build upon. Without emotional intimacy, regardless how good sex may be, the relationship will die, sex never sustains two people beyond sex.


About Inspiring Result

I am a thought leader who want to live in a world where people feel excited about doing what they choose to do, fulfilled and in a place where there is room to reach the level of success desired; enjoy laughter, loved ones and fulfilling conversations. I am a Success Coach, with close to two decades of experience with a background in traditional counseling, Sport Psychology and a degree in Strategic Interventions from Robbins-Madenas Training Center. I've been applauded for my straight forward, warm approach working with a range of clients from many high profile regulars, organizations to the 'girl next door'. When I'm not immersed in my coaching world I can be found on adventure with my family, in the barn with our horses or burying my toes in the sand. Integrating what I believe in every single area of my life, I do not try to balance the mythical scales so that work and family demands and rewards are exactly even. Rather, I trying to understand this: Accurately assessing the nature of [one's] own personalities, sense of self-identity, and the degree of control over work and family lives is crucial to finding satisfaction. Balance is not the goal, a healthy prioritized integration is. My work has been a warm welcome into many busy lives and is offered as a structured one on one program, workshops and educational sessions on a consulting basis, talking about how to successfully identify and reach goals by strategically gaining clarity. Currently I'm passionately working on integrating generations in today's workforce; creating a business culture where talent is retained and can thrive, not only Millennial talent but all talent throughout the organization! As your strategist, I am driven by your results and your success!


  • Mark Bowness says:

    What an awesome post. It scares me how many people I coach who state that they have “fallen out of love” and then start to question the feelings that they had in the first place. I am confident that lust is based upon need i.e. they fit my current requirements, but these requirements changes. Thank you so much for shedding light on such an important topic!

  • Zoe B says:

    That’s an interesting point that you raise – that we must first seek emotional intimacy before seeking physical intimacy. Thanks for a great, in-depth post.

  • I think you can recreate love and lust in a relationship, by being committed to doing it! You have to give up all the stuff we take for granted and see your partner anew. Take the time to notice hot they look with their top off, take the time to notice how their eyes sparkle and how sweet they are and how they are there for you when you need them and then sneak up on them in the shower! Haha, say no more!

  • Lust is absolutely based on needs, I agree! There is lust for food, warmer weather, beautiful things etc…

  • Julie says:

    That saves me. Thanks for being so seilsbne!

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