They said it couldn’t get better, that I was a gold digger and terribly foolish. I tried not to laugh, I wanted to be polite and not be hurtful, I didn’t want to seem arrogant. It was almost as if I was in a reality warp… Really, this is what ‘ideal’ looks like, this what it’s like to have it “as good as it gets”? Just thinking of that that phrase makes me uncomfortable, why aim for “as good as it gets” when you can keep looking for things and situations that thrill you? I said I appreciate your kindness, your thoughtfulness in trying to protect me but I am willing to give it a go, I’m willing to explore my options. And so I continued doing just that!
How about you, have you found yourself settling, not being completely honest with yourself because confronting the situation, the fact it may not be what you would ideally want, would be to frightening and perhaps involve risk. Risks you think are not worth taking, risks that you think will put you in a place of vulnerability? I find that in many of my conversations this is exactly what my clientele is wrestling with. Life is pretty good. They think that they have most of the things they need, if an outsider looks at their situation it seems close to perfect, if they were to look inside, it would be differently. Many go to bed with a feeling of longing, a feeling of wanting something more and dabbling with a feeling that it may be plain greedy.
“What is wrong with me, my kids are great, they are almost perfect, definitely better than the McLaughlin’s kids – Gosh, I wouldn’t want to change places with them! My partner is a great spouse, he is an awesome dad, a good man. We have a nice home, although I’d like to put an addition on, we could really use more room. Why can’t we do that? That reminds me, we should get on with it, even the new family who bought Clarkson’s house have renovated the whole house and it is gorgeous. They just moved in! What is wrong with this picture? I’m sure we are making a way better living than them! This is actually ridiculous, we just have to do it… Humm, actually, I don’t know what his problem is. it’s like I am just a piece of inventory, I don’t think he looks at me the same way anymore, it’s like a business affair. Wait, could it be that he is having an affair? God Damn it, I knew it – I knew he was!!! That would explain why he doesn’t get home until ridiculously late, he didn’t call last time he was travelling and he is more interested in doing his own things than planning with the rest of us. So much for being a devoted father. Yeah, it sounds good when he says it out loud. Prove it! How about picking up the slack and giving a hand with the kids?!! I’m so bored anyways. I’m board with him, my job, the routines… I wounder if I should give that handsome guy in line at the coffee shop every morning my number, he’s always looking, now that would be fun. I deserve to be happy”
This is an example of thought processes I often come across among my wonderful clients, what we then work on finding satisfying solutions for a more fulfilling life. Not unusual, not unusual at all. The common thread in these confessions is that most of the time, men and women alike have a void, a human need that they are not fulfilling but instead of knowing how to deal with this, seeks faults in others and various situations when all along those pieces are just right. A need of personal growth, for instance, may be a lingering corporate… Instead of taking the time, investing in getting the guidance to find what it is that they are missing, they end up going on a scavengers hunt of finding the superficial, tangible excuses to taking the risk of exploring who they want to be now, finding fleeting quick fixes that will bring excitement into the picture for only a moment; Perhaps providing the satisfaction and euphoria of eating a whole bar of chocolate, only to crash moments later with a feeling of regret. Learn to avoid regret!
They said it couldn’t get better. I was young and chose to leave a relationship and a living situation that was nice, looked pretty good to some and clearly overstated by those in it: Overstated in my eyes. I decided that the world was my oyster and I took a chance, I took many. I explored, I tried, I was less successful at times and made decisions that were not always stellar but some that also were. I created a life with ups and downs but I don’t regret a thing. Some choices could have been handled differently, but at the time I didn’t have the experience or knowledge to do so. I don’t recall anyone saying “it will be easy” and that has been my glue. You can call me determined or stubborn, the commonality of those is a strong will, a strong will to live a life I love.
Whatever path you decide to take in life, try to be honest to yourself, dare to explore your options and never hesitate to communicate your feelings – With an open dialogue doors will open and opportunities will present themselves, then it’s up to you to either go after them or sit back and realize that where you are, what you have, is exactly what you need and want at this time. Life can truly be good!